


Dark Wanderings

by Blueyedgurl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Canon Fix-It, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Sexual Content, Soft Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueyedgurl/pseuds/Blueyedgurl
Summary: Rey spends a year searching for ways to bring Kylo back and loses her light in the process.  Ben Solo is tasked with bringing her back to the light.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Dark Wanderings

**Author's Note:**

> Rey's part brought to you by  
> I'm so sick- Fly Leaf  
> I will break into your thoughts  
> With what's written on my heart  
> I will break, break  
> I'm so sick, infected with  
> Where I live  
> Let me live without this  
> Empty bliss, selfishness  
> I'm so sick  
> I'm so sick
> 
> Kylo's part brought to you by
> 
> I watched you change-- Deftones 
> 
> I look at the cross  
> And I look away  
> Give you the gun  
> Blow me away  
> I watched a change in you  
> It's like you never had wings  
> Now you feel so alive  
> I have watched you change  
> And you feel alive

It had been a year. A year of wandering that was increasingly fueled with bitterness and resentment. She could feel the light recede with every passing moment of grief. Everything she had was taken away. Her home, her family, her love, and her sense of purpose. She was lost in the storms of the galaxy searching out the one thing among many that had slipped through her fingers. She had gone to every force sensitive planet she could find in an attempt to find him. She connected herself but the thread of his existence was always fleeting. 

She had heard murmurings of Sith lore that allowed for the resurrection of the dead. He didn’t feel dead, not to her. He felt like he was always just in the corner of her eye, that all she had to do was turn and he would be there. It always disappointed her when he wasn’t and every time it happened, she would rage at the empty chasms that she found herself in.

She always found herself in the darkest reaches of the planets she visited. Whether it was the hull of a defunct ship, on an outer rim planet or a cave on a planet rich was life. Everywhere she went to find him was cold and damp. She felt it seep into her bones as she became more alone, more withdrawn from the communique of those who thought they knew her.

It was a year when she noticed that her skin looked pale from being hidden away from the sunlight. Red spidery splotches and blue veins created constellations on her sallow skin. She had found herself back on Exogol, after she had run out of leads. It was the last place she had felt the warmth of his touch and the place that she felt the most powerful. 

She found herself laying on the edge of the pit, curious about what was at the bottom. Would she find him there? if she just let herself slip from the edge. Dark thoughts like waves would crash against her better judgement. On her journey she had found broken and defunct light sabers and now she found herself tinkering, pulling them apart piece by piece. Much like the joys of her life had been taken. 

She found herself with a new saber, like the one from the vision. Double edged and red. Angry like his. Hurting like her.

She climbed to the bottom of the pit, where he had found himself broken and alone. It held a presence there that she had been seeking for over a year. A bookmark holding time a space. One standard year of anguish and despair had brought her back to here.

She found herself feeding it her energy. What tampered down light that was near extinguished and fed into a pinprick of belonging. She pushed the light into it. Uncaring if it ever came back, not if it didn’t bring him back with it. She would exist in this dark place a husk of herself.

The pinprick grew, evolving into a shape. It wasn’t him but it felt like him. Her dark being pulled and pressed into a vague shape of what she remembered. His light belonged in this world and she could feel herself finally let go.

Ben

He awoke in the dark pit, numb at first and then aching. He recognized where he was, the place of fear and pain that he had to drag himself out of to find her, to save her. It was a long moment before he saw a cloaked form next to him. Too small a form to be Palpatine and the force signature too familiar to be anyone but her.

He rolled and reached for her, pulling back the hood to see her. She looked sickly and near death and he wondered how long he had been out. He had a sense of déjà vu as he cradled her to himself, realizing the kiss wasn’t a dream. She was panting and cold. In her signature held the absence of the light that drew him to her from the beginning. 

He checked her over and used her cloak as a sling cradle her to him as he climbed out of the pit. Her weight a comfort to him as he pulled himself out, reminiscent of the last time he had fought by her side. He exited the empty arena, the ground was a grave for ships. He searched for what she had come in, half hoping for the Falcon but not finding it. It was then he spotted his tie fighter. How she had acquired it he didn’t know. 

He boarded the small ship and cradled her to him when he got situated, again using her cloak to keep her lashed to him so she wouldn’t be jostled. He did not sense any injuries aside from the darkness that pulsed like a separate living thing through her veins. 

He flew them to a small planet the was fabled to have light energy. He couldn’t feel his own darkness, not anymore and realized that this new darkness had filled a void in her that the absence of their bond had left.

He disembarked the ship alone and found the planet to be teaming with light and life. He found them shelter and made camp before returning to the ship to retrieve her. He laid her on a makeshift bed of fronds interlaced with the force sensitive orchids he found. He couldn’t help but be reminded of the stories of his grandmother’s funeral. He hoped it was the death of their suffering he was witnessing. Her skin was still cold to the touch, so he covered her in the cloak, realizing in the light of day this cloak had once been his. It was a mystery to him how she had found it. 

He placed his hands on her, one covering her breastbone while the other covered the top her of her head. He sensed the darkness stirring. Fighting what he was about to do.

Anger, hatred, and bitterness bubbled under the surface like a poisonous ooze. He felt his light stirring like the air before a storm. It was like the waves at tide change, the darkness trying to seep back in and the light leaving with a hesitance. The orchids under her coiled around her wrists and ankles as if to keep her tethered to this world. It was then her eyes opened to reveal a sickly yellow iris, not the green flecks that he had remembered from his dream.

“Kylo.” She rasped. The pain in her voice striking him in his heart. 

He had to stop himself from clutching her to him, knowing that the darkness was not ready to let her go. He kept silent continuing to push his light to her with a rocking and pulsing motion.

“Let me go, I’ve been looking for you.” It almost sounded like Rey and it physically hurt him to keep her at this distance, touching but not embracing and still he continued to share his light. He focused on the sores on her skin allowing the sallow color to shift. 

The Rey before him screamed as if in pain and he felt a tear roll down his cheek, afraid of losing her for good, afraid of making the wrong choice.

The tear landed on her own cheek and it sparked, force lighting threatening to overtake them both. The orchids slid further up her arms, securing her.

He breathed in, feeling some of the darkness seeping into him and welcomed his old friend. He focused on healing the sickness that had overtaken her and realized the thing he was seeing within her was profound grief. He realized then that she would be left with more darkness than when he had last found her and resigned himself to carrying more light to balance them.

His tears were falling freely now, and he was beginning to exhaust himself, the orchids had latched onto his wrists as well. He took in a breath hoping it would be enough. He felt the force settle around and within them. Rey would need further help but if he continued now, he could potentially kill them both. 

“Kylo.” A softer, choked sound escaped her. Her eyes were less eerie, and her skin took on an almost healthy color. 

“Rey.” He said, barely above a whisper. His hands didn’t move, afraid that letting her go would mean that she’d disappear. She fought against her restraints and the plants released her.

She sat up gingerly and turned to him.

“I succeeded in bringing you back.” She said in amazement.

“I think so.”

“We need to punish them.” Anger sweeping over her features.

A flash of fear struck through him. Despite knowing better, he was shocked at this not being _his_ Rey. That a part of her was still reeling from the damage, that a part of him was like the man he was when they first met.

“Punish who?” He asked afraid of the answer.

“Everyone that hurt us.”

“We’re both here, Rey. No one needs to be punished.” His fingers ran over her cheekbone, his other hand cupped the back of her neck. 

“They took you. They took everything.” She growled angrily.

He gathered her in his arms to try to soothe her hurt and rage. She crawled readily into his lap and he realized that Rey’s darkness had many costs.

He tried to shush her, sooth her, and none of it was enough. She cupped his face with her hands and writhed against him. A better man would have found a way to push her off, distract her, redirect her. 

But he was never a better man. He was always weak.

He turned his face to hers and she kissed him, and he accepted it. His hands explored her greedily making up for lost time. He felt her nails scrape against his scalp as they pulled roughly at his hair.

He stilled. He would have to be gentle, the light demanded it of him. She bit down on his lip and he gently moved tendrils of hair from her face. She rocked against him roughly and his hand nestled in the small of her back. He whispered to her that he loved her. Each thing he did created a combative reaction within her. In turn her rough treatment of him spurred on the urgency of his gentleness.

He got flashes of her past, mistreatments and loss. She tore at his clothes and he gently revealed himself for her. He unwrapped her from her bindings and tunic as if opening something precious, indeed she was that. 

Despite her changes she was still his Rey who he fought with, fought beside, and fought for. He would never let her go now. Even if she was creating bruises and scratches on his exposed skin. He considered it penance for the hell he had put others through, he would find his redemption by wading through her darkness.

They were bare before each other and he let his mouth explore her. Kissing down her jaw and neck. He laid her back on the fronds and kissed down her body. He mouthed at her breasts, his tongue swirling around her nipple before sucking it gently into his mouth. 

He took his time with her despite her impatience. He worked his way down to her center and watched her face as he licked her open. Pressing her thighs open gently, still lavishing her with gentle ministrations. She was wet and tasted sweet. Her breath changing as her ecstasy heightened. He pressed a finger into her, preparing her to take him. 

She moaned and rocked her hips and he allowed it. Allowed her to seek her pleasure. He felt the force singing around them, a chanting hum. He kept his eyes on her face as best he could, one of her hands was in his hair, the other toyed with her breast squeezing and tugging it. 

“Kylo!” She cried as she reached her peak. He worked her through it, her pleasure traveling down the bond so swiftly that he almost came with her. He craved for her to call him Ben, but that was a wish for another time.

“Rey. Rey. Rey.” He chanted reverently as he crawled up and over her form, kissing her skin as he went. He kissed her mouth and she opened for him, tasting herself. She wrapped around him in a calm embrace and it was the closest he had felt to her light since before.

“I love you.” He said as her slotted himself between her thighs. “I love you so much sweetheart.” He saw a tear run down her temple, but her eyes still remained those same odd colors. He could feel the light coming in swells and bursts but not remaining and accepted that this might be the Rey he gets for the rest of his life. It was enough for him.

He pushed into her and she gasped. He stilled his movements afraid he had hurt her, but she pulled him farther into her, wrapping her legs around him. He felt her tight, heat surround him, and he leaned down to kiss her. He peppered her face with kisses as he gently rocked against her. He could feel her grow impatient, starting to bite his lip and claw down his back and yet he stayed gentle. 

He knew that he wouldn’t last long, his pleasure rising.

“I love you so much.” He said as he felt her nails trail down the skin of his back. “I’ll never leave you again. I promise. I’ll never go away again. I’m yours. I belong to you. I belong with you.” He said these words reverently like vows and desperately like prayers. 

He was crying again, grieving what his life had been without her, before her. It was either pain or death, there was no in between. She rolled him over then, straddling him and she took the pleasure that she sought. He looked up and noticed that she was crying, too. His thumbs brushed away her tears.

He felt her darkness recede, if only momentarily while she fell apart above him, taking him with her. The bond humming with a new kind of joy, something he had never felt before.

She looked down at him in a mix of joy and reverence, as if she was just realizing his presence.

“Ben.” She whispered. 


End file.
